You came first.
There was you.
You made me a mama.
And I can’t even write those words without my eyes filling up with tears.
I look at your hands these days
and they are getting so close to my own.
You are so tall and so smart and so kind.
You’ve had to learn to share mom this year.
To you, all of it feels like I am stripping away my love,
and you are so worried that my love is limited.
Certain that mama keeps dividing the love she had for you
Giving it away to more and more people
When I receive that phone call I’ve been waiting all day for, in the middle of your story.
When a child who fell on the playground needs a hug.
When you want to go to the store too, but I’m just going to be really fast.
And you think there will come a point where there is no love left for you.
It has been hard for you.
and heartbreaking for me.
Sweet girl, please hear me when I say,
That will never be the case.
You made me a mama.
I wiped sweat and tears away
and my eyes locked into your own
that moment you first entered the world
and as I took you into my arms that very first time
my heart crossed into new territory.
You became the dividing line of my life
from who I was, to who I was made to be.
I look at your baby sister and think how all these firsts,
are long gone with you.
Where you are standing the firsts are bigger and scarier
and forever reminding me that my time with you is so very precious.
I see the grownup in your face now,
it only hints at that chubby cheeked infant
that I birthed what seems like forever ago and just yesterday.
I wish you grasped how much your daddy and I love you.
I wish that our love would be enough to make you feel safe
in this scary, sin-stained world.
You are struggling with hurts
that I wish we could protect you from.
But we know that we can’t protect you from sin.
From ours, from others, from your own.
So we pray, to the one who breathed life into you.
That He will protect you. That He will sustain you.
That He will saturate your heart and mind so completely you will radiate His light.
That you will be full of His peace and strength and goodness.
That you will know that you are His and that He will be the safety you run to
when it feels like nothing and no one else is safe.
I love you to depths you cannot yet comprehend,
and He loves you more still.
You are so, so loved.